Buttercup The Bi-Curious Beagle

So, my brother recently purchased a beagle. He named it Ronin, and though it is an over-energetic little bastard, we still love him. We have also discovered that he is bi-curious.

The gay beagle

It probably started when he had his balls chopped off, which is really something humans did and not his fault. However, I think it confused him a bit, and he is still trying to adjust to the changes. Then, not content with just hacking off the poor puppy’s stones, the shelter decided to name him Buttercup. I’m not certain if it was some sort of experiment to see if they can damage a dog’s gender identity, but if my parents chopped my balls off and named me Karen, I’d be a bit confused, so I can only imagine what he’s thinking.

Now that the shelter turned a perfectly good beagle into a nutless pansy, he’s been trying to cope with the genital alteration and cross-gender namesake. Instead of the standard one leg off the ground, he pees like female dogs. Though he occasionally cuddles up to women, he is far more likely to find a guy and try to get as much attention from him as possible. This includes sniffing men’s testicles, though maybe he is just wondering what the hell those things do since he’s never really had a pair to call his own.

The biggest sign we’ve seen happened on a road trip. We were driving on the highway, crappy Pennsylvania radio station blaring, and the song changed. I’ve never seen that dog happier than when John Mayer began playing, soft acoustic guitar and all.