A tale

I present to you a tale, primarily about the series of events that drastically changed my welfare in life. If you would begrudge me a few moments, please remain seated, and I will elaborate on how I became the ruler of an affluent California neighborhood.

I grew up in the western part of the City of Brotherly Love. I idled away much of my time in a local park, playing basketball outside of my local educational facility. Unbeknownst to me, a group of thuggish hooligans were causing a ruckus in the area. After a single altercation I had with these brutes, my mother became frightened, and exclaimed, “You’re going to live with my sister and her husband out in California!”

I hailed a taxi, and upon its approach I noticed a comical pair of fuzzy dice in the window and a vanity plate that spelled out the word “Fresh”. If I were forced to describe this vehicle, I would have to settle on 'unique'. I decided to suck it up, and told the driver, “California, please.”

I arrived in the evening and, after commenting on the odd aroma I had to deal with from the taxi, I took a gander at my new home. I was finally prepared to reign over as the newest monarch of the quarter.

God, I need some fucking hobbies...